Peace.

We had a great meeting with our RE today. Sum and substance: notwithstanding our lack o' a baby, we are still optimal candidates for IVF success. So, we'll be taking a break for a month or so, and coming back for round #3 in June.

I'm going to take a break from the blog, as well. Of course, I'll still be checking in on you all, but don't expect frequent posts from our part of the world until we're back in the "active" stage of the IF journey. The goal is for a break from the stress of IF treatment -- body, mind and soul. Breaks are healthy, and we intend to enjoy ours.

In the meantime, peace to you. Be well, and be good to each other.

Regrouping.

We are compiling questions for our follow-up with the RE next week. One of the front-runners: is it time to get a second opinion, and if so, where?

We are at one of the greatest clinics in the Southeast, but we are considering breaking out the big guns and heading to Colorado or New York . . . but maybe that's getting ahead of ourselves. Not quite sure yet, but sure would love to hear your thoughts on "where" to get the mythical second opinion. If it matters for your consideration, we have both endo and male factor.

Thanks for loving on us. You all are the best.

Because He Lives.

How perfect is God's timing! Easter has always been a special day for our family, but this year, the message of loss, redemption and resurrection is somehow even sweeter. Christ has conquered death. He has conquered sin. He has conquered pain. He is Lord of the Universe -- even (and especially) Lord over infertility. Knowing that there is a plan, even though it might not be mine, is an unbelievable comfort.

Because He lives -- we CAN face tomorrow. Thanks for all of your prayers, kind words, and support. I will update again soon, but for today, just know that you have all impacted our lives, and made them better. For that, we are thankful. Happy Easter.

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!


Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

Negative.

We are so sad.

Perfect submission, perfect delight

Those words from the old hymn "Blessed Assurance" are caught in my head today. I wish my heart could catch up.

It's just hard. You want to know, but you don't want to know. You want to plan, but you're not sure what to plan for, so you end up gameplanning both scenarios that tomorrow's phone call could bring. You work out responding to the news in both ways, how you'll tell people and what you'll say. Somehow, it gives you the illusion of control. You stick a pack of Kleenex in your purse, just in case. Doing it tomorrow might jinx it. Your ability to stay positive is wildly affected by what you see on each trip to the bathroom. The drugs don't help that cause. You want to focus on your day today, but you are fixated on tomorrow. Keeping busy just isn't cutting it. Tomorrow will come, but only in its own time.

So, we wait. And we hope. And we pray. And we trust. May our wills be so caught up with the Father's will that we are able to praise tomorrow's news, whatever it may be. Blessed Assurance, indeed.

This all feels (painfully) familiar.

Spotting has commenced. Let the obsessive toilet-paper checking begin.

Can one of you please remind me that it's "technically" not too late for implantation bleeding, someone else that lots of IVF pregnancies spot, and a third person that it can't be AF because I'm on PIO and C.rin.one, and a fourth that those drugs can cause some spotting? I'm also open to being reminded of what I have forgotten :)

Sometimes you just need to be reminded. Fingers crossed.

"Whooooa, We're Half-Way There . . .

Who-oa, Livin' on a Prayer" -- nobody says it like Bon Jovi.

The 2ww is more than half-way over.

There's a definite light at the end of the tunnel.

Prayers are fueling our steps, and calming our hearts.

Thanks for helping us stay positive and focused.

Come on, embies, and come on, Thursday!!!

So, what's really going on in there?

I can think of about a million scenarios for what's going on (or not going on) in my uterus right now. I know I've seen some sort of a chart or timeline for what happens each day after a 5-day transfer, but I can't for the life of me put my hands on it. Anybody know what I'm talking about and where to find it?

We got the word today that none of our embryos made it to the freezing stage. I was sort of sad about it, just conceptually, but making it fine until DH asked me "well, then what does that say about the chances of the ones they transferred?" Gulp. He has to have these questions after 5 p.m.! I'll call the clinic and ask tomorrow, but didn't know if anybody else had asked the same question and heard an answer?

Hooray for Friday -- we're almost there!!!!!!!!

Transfer? Check.

Everything went well yesterday - thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers! Beta test is next Thursday -- April 9. Our RE (who, as you may recall, we love dearly) was so encouraging. He said the embryos looked great, as did the lining (HT to acupuncture), uterine position, etc. He was thrilled with the transfer, so naturally we are too!

I did acupuncture before and after transfer, am doing a day-and-a-half of bedrest (er, working from my bed) now, and am doing these progesterone supplements on schedule. I feel like I'm doing/have done all I can to make this a successful cycle, and am resting in my faith that God has this all under control, whatever the outcome. Somebody please remind me of this on like Monday of next week when I'm pulling my hair out? :)