Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Perfect submission, perfect delight

Those words from the old hymn "Blessed Assurance" are caught in my head today. I wish my heart could catch up.

It's just hard. You want to know, but you don't want to know. You want to plan, but you're not sure what to plan for, so you end up gameplanning both scenarios that tomorrow's phone call could bring. You work out responding to the news in both ways, how you'll tell people and what you'll say. Somehow, it gives you the illusion of control. You stick a pack of Kleenex in your purse, just in case. Doing it tomorrow might jinx it. Your ability to stay positive is wildly affected by what you see on each trip to the bathroom. The drugs don't help that cause. You want to focus on your day today, but you are fixated on tomorrow. Keeping busy just isn't cutting it. Tomorrow will come, but only in its own time.

So, we wait. And we hope. And we pray. And we trust. May our wills be so caught up with the Father's will that we are able to praise tomorrow's news, whatever it may be. Blessed Assurance, indeed.




12 comments:

Rachie Pachie said...

Love that song... I couldn't help but sing the rest of that in my head!

I know how crazy you are feeling right now. The b/w is just around the corner! Praying for those sweet Little Ones to have stuck around!

The Patterson's said...

I haven't heard this before, but these words are SO true!

Mary said...

I can't wait to hear some good news, hon!

Flower said...

I am praying for some good news!!

IVF 40+ said...

It takes a brave heart to be patient in this scenario. No wise words, just a hand held out in support.
EB

Barefoot said...

Aw, Faith, I am doing the same game planning. It is not easy. I'm praying for you and hoping we both have some good news to report tomorrow.

Oh, and I left a little something for you on my blog....maybe it will help distract you!

Flower said...

I left u a msg on my blog

My Endo Journey said...

This is a beautiful post.

Joy said...

Wow- I completely understood everything you were saying (and not saying) in this post!

Can't wait to hear the results!

andrea_jennine said...

Amen, Faith.

Courtney said...

Thinking of you today. Just said a prayer for you.

Joannah said...

One of the great hymns of all time.

I hope you still feel blessed and assured no matter today's results.

((hugs))