Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Running in place.

Sorry to be away from posting/commenting lately -- my computer has been on the fritz, but it seems to be (at least for the moment) up and running.

We are still in the midst of our month off. Not too much to do other than try to invest in our marriage and in our friends, eat healthy, and keep an even keel.

I know a lot of you have decided to be very open with your journey; recall that we have not done so up to this point. I've found that it's very hard for me to spend "investment time" with friends who don't know exactly where we are right now . . . it seems like it's hard to share where my heart and walk are right now without talking about IF. I'm trying to take that as a cue to quit navel gazing and focus on the folks I'm spending time with -- not always a success.

Even though we're off of treatment, this can be an all-consuming life stage. Anyone else having/had similar experiences? Any ideas on how to redirect energy and thoughts? If I don't get a grip on this now, I'll never make it through a 2ww :)

18 comments:

I Believe in Miracles said...

I struggle with this DAILY. There are a handful of people that know where we're at, but so many of my close friends (mostly those from college or those that live far away) do not. And neither does family. Lisa recommended volunteering and doing something to not focus on yourself. I found this great book - I've mentioned it before - From Fear to Freedom - and that's really helped a lot.

Regardless, I think the 2ww is always hard at times. I hope you get a chance to have fun too!!

**BIG HUGS**

Ashley Mac's said...

Hi- just saw your post on my blog. how did you find it? Just curious- I love to see new people that I don't know(: I'm so sorry about all your going through. Praying that your faith "like a mustard seed" will stand firm through it all.. easier said than done I know. How did y'all decide to go ahead with IVF? did you do shots or anything before it? I know my dr is going to suggest IVF next month- but I think we are going to adopt first and then do that. Who knows though.. maybe these shots will work this month. Well, nice to "meet" you and glad to have a new friend(:

Ashley Mac's said...

sorry, I was logged in under my business blog last time.. but it's me.."andy and Ashley"

sarah said...

It is amazing how it takes over, even when you are open with people. I find that it is the only thing on my mind, but then when people ask, I honestly have nothing to say besides, "well...it's going..."

Here's hoping September comes fast for both of us!

MamaSoon said...

Well I've told everyone but I know that I try not to talk about it all the time. I just got new pasttimes like running, working out, going to church for a few. I had 7 months between cycles.

Just Me. said...

I don't know. I found it hard talking to my friends about it. I constantly battle with this and sometimes, they don't know what to say to me.

2ww is the dreaded worst. I won't say just relax, maybe try to keep busy busy busy.

(((((hugs))))

Dee.. said...

How to channel your energy:
- read about infertility and couples who have problem with it. Only then, you know that you are not alone.
- read more blogs, as you encourage others, you find that you are encouraging yourself.
- make up your backup plans if the cycle don't work and write them down. So that you will not be totally lost after the cycle. abit pessimistic but if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
- watch more comedy.
- do gardening

I can also think of the above. My 2ww is starting on the 29th of Sept. I've started worrying mysefl!! I'm scare hell!

Alex and Jill said...

I can say that I'm FINALLY to the point of being able to enjoy a break from it all. We're more than an infertile...much more. :) Don't get me wrong...it took me 2 years to get here but it's a great place to be.

I have a great devotional that I went through, it's called "Pray All the Way: From Barren to Blessed." Would you like me to send you a copy? The author never had it published but was kind enough to send me a copy of her manuscript. She really should have had it published because it covers so many things that we have all felt or are feeling through infertility. Let me know if you would like me to mail you a copy, k?

I'm praying for you, girl.

Chin up. :)

*HUGS*

Rachie Pachie said...

Hmm, I really have no idea what to suggest. I can tell you that for the 1st time in, umm, over 3 years I "forgot" about infertility for a weekend that we spent at a beachhouse with 3 others couples. I guess it was so relaxing & so many other people to talk to (with kids, too) that my mind kind of never wandered to IF. I mean, the thoughts came up... but only in a fleeting moment. I think it would be harder to recreate that without a lot of other people... if it was me & hubby, I would still be constantly thinking about it.

Now that I just wrote you a book! LOL! I'm sorry I don't really have any good ideas, but I'm with you in that I'm not sure how the heck I will make it in the almost 2ww after IVF.

Maybe lots of movies, magazines & time outside of the house? That sometimes helps me keep my mind off it for a bit. Or sleep a lot. HaHa.

Ophelia said...

I can understand your reluctance to hang around with friends who aren't in your shoes or don't know your situation. Over the past year, I've managed to isolate myself from just about everyone... including DH at times. We've taken a few breaks here and there and it's done a world of good for us. Aside from treatments right now, I'm focusing a lot of energy on our new puppy and redecorating our home. I love gardening too. It helps keep my mind from wandering. I'm also really looking forward to the fall! I can't wait to decorate for the holidays and have already begun planning for that!

{{{HUGS}}} You've got a new friend in the IF world rooting for you!

(Ophelia from IComLeaveWe)

nh said...

I don't know how to re-focus - sorry! I am mostly open about my infertility and treatment because it means I can talk about it - but my favourite people are those who let me talk when I need to and then remind me that there is more to my life than this!

I find doing things that I enjoy helps when on a break and stops the dreaded focus!

Thanks for your comment on my blog!

Cassandra said...

Here from ICLW...

I actually find that sometimes I'm more preoccupied when we're between treatment cycles than during. Without being able to tangibly do anything to bring us closer to a baby, the only thing I can do during an off month is obsess.

My advice to you in terms of investment time with friends, or with redirecting energy in general, is to try to be present and in the moment with what you're doing and who you're with rather than letting your mind wander to thoughts of TTC. Of course this has been much harder for me with friends who are parents or expecting, in large part because they keep bringing up the topics that I'm trying not to think about. Some of DH's single male friends have been particularly helpful in that regard -- single men NEVER want to talk about pregnancy or babies, so we're free to talk about other things.

The other advice I'll mention, as an expansion of the above, is to figure out whether there are any activities in which you can lose yourself and get away from the thoughts. Personally, when I am throwing pottery, it takes so much concentration and I am in such a different mindset that I am exempt from those thoughts for a few hours at least. When I am throwing, not only do I not think about TTC, I also don't think about work or money or any of my other worries. Just the clay.

Best of luck with your next cycle and with mastering all of those difficult thoughts!

Maria said...

This has been a very difficult thing for me, too. What helped me was to stay away from most reminders, which meant that I stopped blogging for a while. It wasn't easy, but it did help to keep my mind off of ttc.

I also focused my attention on getting healthy and losing some of the weight that I've put on because of treatments. Which has helped me focus on the things I can change.

I hope that helps a little.

XOXO

In Due Time said...

Coming over from ICLW...


Its tough IRL and dealing with infertility. The two week wait is always hard. Hugs.

Anniep said...

(from ICLW)
The unexpected time off must seem like purgatory. It's rough... just waiting and waiting. We/ I took off TTC from Dec-June when an unexpected RE consult said we had to cycle NOW. That was June. There's definitely something to be said for taking it off the table completely.
My advice is to spend time with DH. Do stupid stuff like bowling, a ballroom dance class, etc.- or what I seem to do... household projects. Best of luck.

ps- please give serious thought to what if your AFC doesn't go up. Mine is crap. 5 on a good day.

seriously? said...

Here from ICLW. Just wanted to wish you luck on your upcoming cycle!

Jaymee said...

i do one thing a day not related to any of this. even if it just looking at shoes. i swear it has kept me sane.

Faith said...

Ashley -- came to your blog through a couple of other blogs (Love will tear us apart and then Moments with My Miracles, I think?). Doors to options short of IVF have been closed to us, so that's where we are! Email me if you want more info on that: mustardseedbaby@gmail.com.