Keep breathing.

Unfortunately, I have some bad news to share with you guys. Yesterday's Beta confirmed what my body had been cluing me in on -- all is not well. While my HCG did go up (from 45 to 78) and my estrogen is fine (thanks for the prayers on that front), my progesterone is terribly low. They are giving me all of the supplements that they can give me (oral 3x per day and Crinone 1x per day). I asked about switching to the shots, but they don't want me to do that. So, I'm on a weekend of "feet up bedrest," and then we will go back in on Monday for more bloodwork. DH leaves early Monday morning for a business trip that he just has to go on, so Monday has the potential to be a really tough day for everyone. We're pretty sure we know the final score at this point, but we have no choice but to let the rest of the game play out. It's a helpless feeling.

I'm ok, just sad and a touch overwhelmed. Everything went so well with this cycle, and yet, here we are. I am trying to trust that this is just not God's timing for us to have a baby right now, and while I'm trying not to dwell on this truth right now, it just might not be His plan for us to have a biological child. I know, I know -- this is our first IVF cycle, I don't need to waive the white flag, etc. It's just a lot to try to handle, you know? I need to try to remember that I wanted to see the positive Beta as a gift -- we CAN get pregnant! However, this "your body isn't metabolizing progesterone appropriately" situation (I've never even heard of that?) wasn't anything that had entered my mind to worry about, so think it's gotten me more thrown off of my game than if we had gotten a negative Beta. Does that make any sense whatsoever? I know, I know -- control issues. Maybe that's the point of this process? I need to be less of a planner and more of a truster. But I knew that already. There's spiritual growth to be had through this pain. I knew that, too. Someday we will be able to use this experience to help others who are struggling through similar situations. God can, and will use, our pain for His glory. This definitely helps give me some perspective right now, and someday I know it will give me great comfort. Right now, it really doesn't make it hurt any less.

Sorry for the early morning rambles. Not a lot of sleeping in this house right now. It helps to work it out in words. Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. We'll let you know on Monday.