Saturday, November 15, 2008

Keep breathing.

Unfortunately, I have some bad news to share with you guys. Yesterday's Beta confirmed what my body had been cluing me in on -- all is not well. While my HCG did go up (from 45 to 78) and my estrogen is fine (thanks for the prayers on that front), my progesterone is terribly low. They are giving me all of the supplements that they can give me (oral 3x per day and Crinone 1x per day). I asked about switching to the shots, but they don't want me to do that. So, I'm on a weekend of "feet up bedrest," and then we will go back in on Monday for more bloodwork. DH leaves early Monday morning for a business trip that he just has to go on, so Monday has the potential to be a really tough day for everyone. We're pretty sure we know the final score at this point, but we have no choice but to let the rest of the game play out. It's a helpless feeling.

I'm ok, just sad and a touch overwhelmed. Everything went so well with this cycle, and yet, here we are. I am trying to trust that this is just not God's timing for us to have a baby right now, and while I'm trying not to dwell on this truth right now, it just might not be His plan for us to have a biological child. I know, I know -- this is our first IVF cycle, I don't need to waive the white flag, etc. It's just a lot to try to handle, you know? I need to try to remember that I wanted to see the positive Beta as a gift -- we CAN get pregnant! However, this "your body isn't metabolizing progesterone appropriately" situation (I've never even heard of that?) wasn't anything that had entered my mind to worry about, so think it's gotten me more thrown off of my game than if we had gotten a negative Beta. Does that make any sense whatsoever? I know, I know -- control issues. Maybe that's the point of this process? I need to be less of a planner and more of a truster. But I knew that already. There's spiritual growth to be had through this pain. I knew that, too. Someday we will be able to use this experience to help others who are struggling through similar situations. God can, and will use, our pain for His glory. This definitely helps give me some perspective right now, and someday I know it will give me great comfort. Right now, it really doesn't make it hurt any less.

Sorry for the early morning rambles. Not a lot of sleeping in this house right now. It helps to work it out in words. Thanks for reading. Thanks for praying. We'll let you know on Monday.

11 comments:

WiseGuy said...

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Leslie Laine said...

Hi Faith - if it's any help whatsoever, I totally get everything you wrote in your post this morning. I've been up since about 5 a.m. pondering many of the same questions in your post.

It's that hurdle thing again - you get past one only to be faced with another.

I'm going to be hopeful that your body just produced a major miracle - a positive beta. God will take care of the rest.

I am thinking about you and anxiously awaiting news of your upcoming bloodwork. Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

l.l.

MamaSoon said...

I am so very sorry the beta number wasn't there. I am hoping you'll get better news very soon.

i've had low progesterone before. like a progesterone of 14 when I've been on daily PIO shots. I am not sure what they do for that. I was nervous so i will do inserts, shots, and pills.

I hope you can rest and relax this weekend. My blogroll got messed up and I missed some of your posts. Sorry. :-(

Courtney said...

Thinking about you and praying for you. I can completely relate to everything you said in your post. I'm praying that God will be knitting a healthy baby right now and that He will comfort you and your husband as you wait. Big hugs.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'll be praying for you through Monday. I've seen a couple blogs with low progesterone, so I'm hoping those drs get it all worked out for you.
**HUGS**

April said...

darn that progesterone. :(

thinking about you.

**hugs**

Rachie Pachie said...

Oh, no, Faith... I am so sorry to hear that. I will most definitely be praying for peace for you & that whatever His will is this time... that you will be okay.

I sure hope these supps pull through & get your progesterone levels in order.

Thinking about ya. :(

Alex and Jill said...

Faith, I've been praying for you during this cycle and I will continue to pray until we know for sure on Monday. If it's a miracle we need, than a miracle I will be praying for!

I'll check back on Monday...

((HUGS))

sarah said...

Thinking of you all weekend. Hope you are doing okay. (((HUGS)))

twondra said...

Thanks so much for visiting my blog. It means a lot.

I'm so sorry about all you're going through. I'll definitely be praying for you on Monday. I just had a failed IVF where my fertilized eggs didn't divide so I know what it's like to put "all your eggs in one basket" only to have bad news...but I know my situation isn't like yours.

I'm definitely hoping and praying for you!

Leigh said...

Faith, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I also just wanted to get to PREGNANT and with my next cycle, I'm going to be praying to get pregnant and stay pregnant with beautifully doubling HCG levels until I have a healthy baby in my arms!

It is very hard (even with your great FAITH) but like you, I really believe God is using my story to help other women. Already in my infertility group I can see that my faith is an encouragement to the other ladies which is ALL GOOD!